Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
