Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
