I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
