I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
