my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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