Your tits are I can't wait for
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
