i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Im part way to drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
