have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
