guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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