I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
