Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Damn victory sex feels great
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
