I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
