i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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