i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
