this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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