Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
