There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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