I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
