I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
