Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
