Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
