he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
