this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
