I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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