The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i now understand why vodka
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize