I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
