proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
