Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
