ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
