some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
