Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My pussy is not your playground.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
