Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
