I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
