Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize