addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
