if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What happened to fro yo and sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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