so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
