If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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