Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
