i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
