Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
