i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
