hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
