I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
