we have pet lesbian snakes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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