brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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