So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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