Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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