How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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