I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
