I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
