His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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