It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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