I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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