Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
