My Higher Power is John Stamos
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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