I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
