Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
