I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
