From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
zippers are such a cool invention
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize