what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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