there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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