I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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