I haven't been this sober since birth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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