Where did you get a picture of my penis
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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