Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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