six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
