I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize