mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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