I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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