so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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