come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
God I need to hump something, right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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