TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
