Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
