You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
