I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
