Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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