I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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