I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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