Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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