I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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