honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
