He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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