I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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