He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize