she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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