I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
