Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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