You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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