Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
