I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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