I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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