I'm jealous of your bromance
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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