Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
