Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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